I went back to AMKSS for the first time in a few years for the Alumni Barbeque on Saturday evening. It was a long time since I stepped into that school for something official. Like...7 years? Some teachers just don't leave. It grows on them. Or it the school just becomes part of their identity. My form teacher for example, she was 25 when she arrived at my school, now she's 32. When she taught me A maths, I was only 15. She's still single, although she's definitely got it...

My discipline master, the man whose voice could rival the commander of the NDP ceremony. He got married to the netball teacher, and both haven't left my school in the last 7 years. My humanities teacher, who has taught batches of graduating students since the batch of 1984. Get that...that's even BEFORE I WAS BORN...

I wonder if these teachers ever noted how they changed over the years...the older ones that is. My DNT teacher though, for some reason, he remembered how he got furious at one of my classmates many years ago, and really gave her such a hard time for her disciplinary problems. Curiously, I remember that incident too. 7 years later at the BBQ, he tells me he felt he was so aggressive back then, and I can see from the way he interacts with students now, he has changed somehow, fundamentally.

I had buddies too back then. In a different way that I have closer friends nowadays. Like crazy delinquent buddies. We played counterstrike, diablo 2, everything that was big back then. Of course those were computer games. What else had we got? Digimon and Tamagotchi perhaps. We only knew how to ogle at girls, nothing about relationships as we know now. Some talked really big about sex. Until today, some of these big talkers are still single. Nobody wonders why.

Back then, the biggest drink was vanilla coke, and the biggest news was 911. The worst bad word we used was faggot. THe only time I saw orchard road was in the company of my Mom. I wore two shirts back then, one inside and then my uniform outside. We were green. Literally. Don't be fooled by the black and white photo, we were striking green.

This was a pic I snapped from the yearbook of my graduating year when I went back yesterday. They converted a level one classroom into a memory lane room. That was my little piece, in the drama club. I met the guy beside me, my classmate, and acting partner. Yes, we acted together. Drama night, it was big back then. Two very charismatic young men, who had chemistry working together, for some unknown reason. We both were special, for since we left the school, never was there a repeat of our gift of the gab on such a scale.

But I had forgotten so much of the past, I needed a comment from my old humanities teacher to remind me. We were both young, brash, and extremely outspoken. Virtually everyone in our cohort knew us, because we were loud and unashamed. That's why he ended up a special learning techniques teacher and me a graduate speaker and emcee. But as my teacher remarked, I had become the one who "nobody would know if I didn't open my mouth, which I don't anymore without necessity". He on the other hand, has not changed one bit in that brash and self-confident behaviour.

That reminded me of how I was like, although I had forgotten it for so many years. Things happened, and by the time I was in my second year of JC, I think all semblance to that died. He, on the other hand, really hasn't changed one bit. He's played virtually every PC game worth playing in the last 7 years, and dated girls of more nationalities than I can count on one hand.

Chowtime.

I've been off training for 1 month. Supposed to start this week. Yet I've acquired certain habits that are extremely not conducive for leading a training lifestyle.

1) Eating like nobody's business. Yet I am still 64-66kg. No different to when I was at peak. And I'm getting flabby. Not yet fat, but starting.

2) I am beginning to fall in love for ultimate again. It seems that beach ultimate is what is needed to help me truly enjoy the sport. A lil more daring, a lil more risk taking, and no fear, and I improve. I guess I really do improve when not under pressure at all. The only problem: shearing off skin from my big toes and soles with all that cutting I do. It seems that nobody likes to mark me tight, or poach me front. They only poach me back, so I end up in cutting a lot. Which causes a lot of friction with the lovely sand.

3) I have finally replaced my rear tyre with a new detonator. No I don't intend to blow up my bike into smithereens. It's another Maxxis Detonator tyre, it's the first time I've had to replace a tyre due to overuse. After running over some weird object on the ground and being attacked simultaneously by mozzies and ants at neo tiew road, both my confidence and my tyre were deflated. Or maybe I was just lazy to repair it. But now there's no excuse to get back on the saddle, as I have a spanking new BLUE coloured tyre. Which matches my bottle cage! But clashes with the rest of the colour scheme! I think I'm going to look like a colourblind fool riding around with this hahaha...

Semester 1 is finally coming to an end. I make it sound so long and arduous, when it really was more of a bore than a chore. I haven't had the motivation to study. So reminiscent of Poly year 2. Curiously, I thought nobody knew. But I went back to NYP a few weeks ago and chit chatted with my year 3 accounts lecturer, and she said she knew I was slacking off during my year 2. There's something about accountants: Not a lot of things escape our notice, especially if the signs are in terms of numbers or statistics. All you need is an accountant with a heart, and strong integrity, I think you'd get a pretty straight and dependable bloke or lady.

Perhaps the accountants are the business psychologists, we have our fingers on the pulses of businesses, but in reality we have our noses stuck in our bosses' business, if you pardon the pun. Through people's personal dealings and style of work, it shapes organizations and groups around them, and a good accountant usually can sniff out some of those little oddities in decision making and behaviour just by looking at numbers, and observing how people do things.

I think accounting is more forensic than most people think. I'm not talking about accounting as debit and credit goes. I'm talking about the mentality of an accountant.

The problem goes when we begin doing the same sniffing around in our personal lives. To what extent should one deal with relationships with people using our heads, than our hearts? Sometimes using our heads too much hardens our hearts, facts and intentions and should have knowns, easy to say, but stops us from eating the humble pie when that is what is needed, or saying those simple three words that represent the entirety of the perplexing situation: "I love you."

On the other hand, if you were just to follow your heart, which I shall define as do what you feel like, I think many of us would tend toward selfishness and being assuming. Blind to signs that point to the contrary, your physical attraction towards someone might be all that you can feel, and only by using your head can you see the blunder ahead. Or if you use only your heart, then you might not recognize that sometimes what is good for people around you, is not the same as what you feel they should do.

Hm, I think I'm rambling at the last paragraph before this. I should structure my thoughts and phrase them better, but two factors prevent that:

1) I'm using my heart.

2) I've got to go and teach ultimate. Time is running short.

So. Finis.

-PotAtObOy: I've made up my mind. Whether or not I feel like doing it...-

Interesting fact: Bose's speakers are so good, that you can make your toilet sound like it has a STEREO system installed in it. As in the MINI bose speakers. Some bugger was putting his on the sink while bathing.

Some food pics to entertain the lucky bloghopper.

I've NEVER eaten more than 3 subway cookies in one day, but 2 days before my birthday my IT groupmates bought me 12!!! It was sweet. I mean, of them, to buy me these cookies.

Arvind introed me to this new burger stall. Personally I think the cool thing is the bread. It is really good. But then I refused to have meat that night, so I ended up with a portebello mushroom burger, and the mushroom was as wide as the burger. Imagine that!!! A palm sized mushroom!!!

Victor had a regular meaty one...the ORIGINAL

Quite delicious too. And that stuffed tomato is an ingenious idea. Surprisingly savoury too. Better than their fries for sure.

Birthday was fun, with some hiccups here and there. Had a delicious steak from Botak courtesy of the guys. And they got me a hydration belt! A much better one that the crappy one from Aviva HIM 70.3. It fits snugly, and you don't want something jumping up and down while you run a half marathon.

And I also received a very unexpected present from Jovina...a Triggerball! It is a pain in the ass, if you pardon the pun. But it is quite good for specific spots like your erector spinae, better than the Fit Bar, but when you want to roll big muscles like the thigh then the fit bar is better.

She even decorated it. With my initials. Nice...

First paper is over. IT. As in, Eye Tee. I can't imagine why people will spend a whole week mugging for that stupid paper. I spent 6 hours at most and I'm done, and I think I'd score at least 60-70% minimum. Yeah yeah, first class honours. I salute thee. Next sem I'll work on those straight As, just for the kicks yeah? With a pint of durian ice cream and lots of chitchat. Of all the subjects to kill yourself over...IT surely isn't worth it.

Biz Law might be more of a worthy opponent then. But it's open book. Fair enough, we had closed book exams in poly. But the scope and depth was only about 50%. I shall have to do those funny mindmap things. Meanwhile, I'd have to read all those plays for my HL815, Acting and Representation in Theatre and Film. I love that module. I had fun. Except that last optional lecture. It was extremely RA. I don't like it that everyone left except me and a few others. Come on you guys are Uni kids don't tell me you can't stomach this, and you can stomach Saw VI?

-PotAtObOy: I'll give you something to remind you of home...-

A lot of people have wished for memory loss. I have had memory loss before... It doesn't take a concussion to cause you to have memory loss. There are many things in medical science that can cause memory loss... Some are very violent, some are subtle, some leave you blissfully unaware, some leave you painfully aware of the gaps...

I am pleased that I do not forget any music I have heard. I don't think it's a gift, I think many people have that ability to remember, especially people who actually listen to music with tunes...rather than music that sounds like feedback from a speaker than music.

There are other things I want to forget too...Turning 23 marks an extra year of memories. Every year many things are fed into your memory, and the more emotionally laced the memory, the easier it is to recall... It is ironic though, for some extremely painful memories are erased because they are painful, like how a car ran over my fingers when I was 3 years old. I don't know if it had to do with me being a toddler...but I don't remember.

Or the time when I felt truly threatened by my loved ones, the first time abandonment and desertion was perceived as a real possibility, that stands out as a very emotional experience.

Or the time when I received what would become the only soft toy I would keep to my adulthood, and which I still sleep with every night...my handsized puppy.

Or my first and only serious physical fight with someone, when he got knocked down in 2 moves and I felt foolish young pride.

Or the first time I fell in love.

Or the first time I felt truly cold.

Or the first time I felt that my mind was not in my head...a strange sensation you have waking up during an afternoon nap...and you just lie there and this weird lifted sensation, that lasts merely a few minutes...

I don't remember the first time I cried, I think I was doing much of that during my first five minutes of life. That's what I think...not really verified but very likely.

I don't remember the first time I laughed, it must've been at some point when somebody tickled me.

I'm quite sure tonight is not the first time I wish I could reprogramme my memory. The last time I wished that, not long after that I regretted that wish.

It would be nice if I could reprogramme my memory, but some things, like music, will never be burned away no matter what I do.

I wish I could burn some memories off today.

-PotAtObOy: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ah-ha-ha-ho-he-ha-ho-ha...It's all a joke...my so-called hopes-

Well, long belated food photos. I hail Holland V as THE place to eat lamb.

I have never been a big fan of lamb racks. But this one was unlike anything I've ever tasted. It was so good that Arvind bought one other rack after he had a bit of mine. Del-i-cious, juicy, fatty, chewy, succulent, a work of art that beats anything from Picasso.

I might consider trying lamb at Botak perhaps...and try benchmarking against this one to see if it's worth the money...

Some deserts from the same stall, this wine restaurant, diagonally opposite wala wala.


Pineapple sorbet in a pineapple, how original. And some chocolate fudgy ball like desert.

Me: "I really have to say this...you've never looked this good. Both of you"
Hey...I meant you guys looked damn good okay... Like I could never look of my own volition...Firstly, the hair, second, the guitar. I would be a poser. HAHA.


-PotAtObOy: I can't keep it in much longer...let it the jack spring out of the box! Whatever the consequences are...it will be the risk I long ago took-

I just had a dinner with my parents yesterday. My dad dropped by in his car with my Mom. We ended up at Fish & Co obviously eating food that none of us were enjoying. I feel bad for dragging them to JP, where I knew was as crowded as a rabbits burrow on saturday evening, and halloween at that.

We had durians after that, and I guess that was the gastronomical highlight of the evening. Yesterday I said something that I didn't realize until then. It was a bit comical.

TC: Living in uni is making me appreciate...

Mom: (In cantonese) Sleeping is very important to me. After 9 pm sometimes I'm just too tired...

Dad: (also in cantonese) sometimes we eat dinner until 9 pm, we need to talk about important things, and there you go sleeping on everyone...

TC: (Cont) that spending time with your parents is extremely important, no matter how...

Mom: (in canto) after 9 pm just don't ask me to go out already. You all talk, you got important things to talk about...Don't ask me, I'm sleepy, and you always scold me...

Dad: (silence)

TC: (cont) quirky and weird your parents are...

Apparently my mom didn't hear anything I said, and it was a very awkward situation for me. But I spoke what I really felt. And for the first time I felt it, truly FELT it, something that most people only feel after they establish a career, and parents begin to age...

Most of us will KNOW it, know that no matter how seemingly misfit our parents are in our personal world and culture, they are largely the reason why we are who we are. A lot of how we behave in future, is determined by how your parents raised you. A few things however, they could never control. And those things truly manifest themselves when complete freedom plagues you... and for most people that begins in university.

I would prefer to deal with that complete freedom and unusual feeling of it in university first, find a financial and emotional footing in life before dealing with the mortality of my parents. For many people, knowing that concept comes early, maybe even in their late teens. But feeling it, and fearing it, and understanding the present implications on our actions and demands on time...that's something that some people never even get to.

I would say that as a son, I wouldn't have ever thought of myself as a really good one, but you know I can imagine what would happen if one day my parents felt the need to reminisce and provide summary judgment on how it was like raising me. I know they will say I have been a good son, because when you have lived almost 7 decades, as long as your posterity remembers and treasures you, regardless of how well you have performed as a parent, that is all that matters.

Our parents may never say it, but they will always have regrets bringing us up. Maybe big, maybe small. That is humanity, we are all flawed and have imperfections. Sometimes, I can read it in their small tics and facial expressions. Sometimes, they say it themselves, true expressions but marred by a little bit of self-defence. Don't wait till it's too late to tell them none of that matters.


Interestingly, my dad also mentioned a piece of old advice that I think is extremely valuable. He said that after looking back at his life, life in university was always the most free. Although it may seem like a burden, after it is over, you will remember it as the best time of your life.

I was troubled by what he said. If it is so much freedom, how come I'm having so much trouble adapting?

Then I watched a youtubie about wade robson. This guy is a incredibly talented dancer, and if I may say so a prodigy. And he included a final piece of advice to dancers. Dream, visualize your goals, no matter how insignificant the details. Build them from start to end, and be specific...

I put one and one together, and it becomes pretty obvious that's how my Dad stayed on track for 30 years, providing for my family. It is also why it's so difficult for him to get to sleep.

So if I have no direction in university, and I'm just doing things because I have to, because people around me tell me I have to, then that's because I have no vision. I don't have a dream of where I will be. A man drifting around in life without a dream. It's even worse than a daydreamer without specifics in his ambitions.

Why do kids who are thrown into hardship so early in life succeed in future? Think our forefathers. Think Obama. Think all those stories you've heard on TV of successful actors, athletes, celebrities who've had horrible growing up years. Mental toughness? Drive? Ambition? Where does all that come from?

I think it begins with dreams. Unfortunately, nowadays there are so many distractions. Things you read, things you watch, fantasies build on fantasies that you see in mass media. Romances, blockbusters, freshmen orientation camps, industry meetings, presentations... All these reinforce ideal lifestyles, dreams, described pictorially and experientially. That's why people spend so much time on TV, computers, the internet, hall activities, and so on. We're eating chunks of dreams thrown at us from people who either have a greater and very personal dream, or people who want to create these dreams for us to be entranced with, for some purpose.

What purpose? Perhaps prestige, money, maintaining a certain culture, or status quo that they believe should be maintained. I know I am beginning to sound marxist. But I don't hold the same revolutionary ideals that they do. I don't want to overthrow the establishment and the evil capitalists. I just want to know how I can be like my dad, without his insomnia.

I've lived a large part of my life without any dreams. I would like to think that most people don't either. Those who do get something. Like if you're a flight attendant, I hope you dreamt of paris, naples, nepal, san francisco, and so on, not the godawful IDEA of prestige thrown at you from SIA advertisements. That's a very personal judgment of a particular item of mass media, but it just shows my slant towards dissecting whatever is being thrown at me now, especially ideals that are subtly planted around me.

Maybe I'm cynical, about whether these ideals are truly worth it. That perhaps they don't really satisfy, or lead me somewhere I would ask myself whether I wanted this at first.

But increasingly I'm beginning to realize, that if I don't create a vision and dream of my own, I will end up being the spyglass locked in a drawer, capable of seeing things far far away, but totally incapable of making any changes in direction. And that's truly apathy and laziness at its most basic form. Seeing, knowing, ignoring, and self-repudiating, and then redoing that cycle.

If you think this is a very personal post, think again. It may be personal in context. But take it out of context, and I think you might begin to see some things in your own life that might cause you some regret.

The only reason I'm so negative in this post, is because that is where I am. Where many of the ambitious, successful people, all around me, like my father, BEGAN so many years ago. And I'm worse off, because I have the self-awareness to type this, and have yet to do anything about it.

A few years later, I hope to be able to sit down and write something to finish off this post... At least I know I have to begin changing things...

-PotAtObOy: So young and so many regrets??? You'll not live to 50, they'd drown you...-

Okay, my official first flat of this season...

Ripped right through the layers, some weird object that I saw last minute and didn't avoid on neo tiew road...Fortunately I had already finished 70 km of my ride (out of 96), so the day was quite accomplished.

You may not know, but tyre pressure makes a world of difference. I am quite mad when it comes to pumping, so I usually end up with a front tyre at 120 psi and a rear slightly above that... But that makes spinning real easy, drawback of course is the powerful vibrations from uneven roads transmitting flawlessly up to the frame. Leaving you with an aching butt after about 70 km.

I've also been attempting some cooking adventures recently, like CHRISTMAS DORY!!

I call it christmas dory simply because there's red chillies and green dill leaves on the dory fish before I pan fry it. Makes a mess of things though, panfrying dory fish...but it's very tasty.


The cantonese call it har mai, or prawn...er...prawn grains? Anyway, if you fry it with spinach or just fry it and put em on top of a block of tofu, it really is quite tasty.


You might think that chicken breast is dry and tasteless, but apparently it can be quite juicy too. Just marinate it with some sesame oil, oyster sauce, and it becomes quite juicy indeed...And it keeps well in the fridge...Simple dishes with very satisfying results...

Lastly, I must blog about the fate of a good friend who has suffered me for several months...

You will be sorely missed, until I buy the ironbar, which I believe will last me longer than the fit bar.

-PotAtObOy: It takes two hands to clap??? I think it just takes two hearts to love, Momma never really put much stock in hands...-