I'm scanning old family photos into the softcopy so they won't disappear or get destroyed.

How quickly they die.

Finishing about 80% of a bottle of red wine puts me in the mood to pour some out...

Been having a expressive choke for a few weeks. For those who don't know, I'm gonna fail some papers. It's not anyone's fault, and I'd be kind enough even to myself to say it's not mine entirely. Try not sleeping properly for 6 days no matter how early you get to bed and then trying to remember all that you've studied. I wonder how my parents would react if they knew. Haha. I don't think I have to tell them. I didn't even show them my results last sem, just word of mouth.

It's kinda weird. There's a lot I inherit from my parents. I get no end about my eyelashes. Yes, my dad at 65 has got long eyelashes too. Might make some girls jealous as well. Brains, well yeah, my brothers all have degrees, are all sharp as a dagger. Insomnia too was inherited, from my father's side.

You know there're a group of people who die from insomnia. I watched a documentary about it. They simply CANNOT get to sleep. What a horrible death.

On the lighter side, I've been playing a lot of Ultimate. So much that I have to put triathlon aside for a while. I also wonder, I really don't know where I'm going with this sport. It is so confusing. They say that sport has the potential to make you better, more determined, more disciplined. Ultimate has taught me a lot of things, and it's still teaching so many other things about myself I never knew. People talk about aggression, wanting the disc. I get that now, and I know that I wouldn't have gotten it a few years back, when it all mattered.

Seems like when things don't matter I do better. When I just want to be good at this game, when no one else is breathing down my neck and screaming vulgarities at me, I do well. Are you the type of person who'd take other people's good intentions as an excuse for them to make you their puppet, with the guise of learning from them? I'm not ashamed to say I am. But I think I'm belittling myself. I'm not stupid.

It's really messing my mind up, all these people twirling and swirling around me. I wish you guys would just say what you feel and think and don't play around with my intuition. I'm not stupid, but I'm not arrogant enough to assume I know what is going on in your head. Gosh it's exhausting typing all this.

And I've kinda had enough of all the relationship business. I was running on a short fuse with all the insomnia and sporting identity crisis that the joss stick is all but burnt out. Good men are a rarity and I'm not one of them, so don't come looking for me unless you like dark chocolate. Bittersweet. Women begone. My mom's looking over my shoulder.

Oh by the way, so that this post was not entirely a waste of your precious time, I love this song from Tamia. She's great. Song's nice, fantasy's good. Fantasy's for kids like me.



-PotAtObOy: I'm half drunk must I always fill this space with coherent babble? Get out you oxymoron-

Somebody just called me a true scorpio. I don't really believe in horoscopes, but I seem like an extreme scorpio. But technically, I'm supposed to be a tiger as well. Perhaps the Greeks allowed far more variability than the chinese do. I don't see the tiger in me, not even a liking for tiger balm, or tiger meat, or tiger skin, or aggression, or male ego. Maybe if I were to choose a zodiac sign, maybe...

Pig. Pigs have big appetites. I have one too. When people are comfortably full, I pretend to be too. Not that I am uncomfortably not full, I'm just not full. Pigs also eat a lot of junk. I think I eat a lot of junk too. Especially when I am unhappy. Nobody knows what junk I eat in the middle of the night when I'm just too melancholic to sleep. Macdelivery!!!

Now, that's only some of the time...

How about dog? I think I have a rather affectionate side. I have two dogs and one bear in my room. Now most guys would like to hide the fact that they have soft toys in their room, but I think they are adorable. Not that I want mountains of them, I only want those that have the deepest sentimental value and history. Patch is a great conversation starter. Unfortunately my recent acquisition of Pooh bear was not so lucky. He ended up on my bike crank and now looks like he's been working on my bike, with a nice big bike dirt mark on top. And I guess I'm rather affectionate to the people who dare to be affectionate to me. Just haven't found someone who's THAT affectionate to me that I'd wag my tail and put my head on her knee, other than my mother of course. But she appeals more to the pig side of me yeah?

I think vegetables and nightshades are still the best things to use to describe people. They are edible. And if it's tasty, your reference to someone using those terms might just make your tummy tingle and your heart warm. Like Potatoboy and Tomatogirl. There's also Daddy Eggplant and Portabello Mommy. That's a mouthful, but just means your momma is fat and homely. Then of course you can refer to people you dislike with similar terms, depending on your culinary preferences. For me, I can refer to him as Celeryman and Coriangirl.

All in all, I think scorpio is the best way to describe me. Simply because I don't know what the hell scorpio is. I don't expect anyone to know who I am either then. I'd try to be content with not knowing.

-PotAtObOy: Silence does not mean calm. The most furious expressions are silent...-

Rather quiet on this blog of mine recently. I've taken lots of photos, and many things have happened, but I guess I've become truly lazy. Lazy to upload photos. Lazy to express my thoughts.

I find it rather amusing, that finally a group of people have concluded that I'm long winded. I never thought of my loquaciousness as a detriment to communication. I've always thought that if there's anything worth expressing, and if it's from the heart, I could take my time talking about it.

Perhaps it stems from the need to fill up the silence? Sometimes the person/people you talk to are not that expressive, or responsive, that you feel you need to make yourself understood in as many angles as possible? Perhaps, to every general statement there are always numerous clauses, that only a person who is meticulous may bother?

I came to the conclusion I have been wasting my brain away. Most of the time it's idle, or running at full speed at the wrong times. When I'm sleeping for example, I dream sleeplessly. My heart rate drops to sub-60, maybe even 50, I can count them in my head, but I'm not asleep mentally. It's running at top speed, imagining, visualizing, just running about like a five year old in a fairground.

You know, there are just so many things to think about. There's the cotton candy, the tunnel of love, the cave of horrors, the roller coaster, the stupid bunny you can take a photo with, the popcorn machine, the bash-the-popping-objects machine. There used to be one such place years ago, above the Big Mac building at AMK. That was when I was about 6-10 years old perhaps. Those things we called arcades. Okay maybe not stupid bunny, or cave of horror, but lots of machines. And of course, there was Macdonalds downstairs.

When I was that age, there were only two supper possibilities. And I hounded my dad for supper every night. I didn't care what other business he had. 10:30 pm is suppertime. Dad, you gotta bring me out. Either the yee meen (cantonese) at Casuarina Road or Big Mac at AMK. Dad only came back for at most 5 days in a row, sometimes just 3, every month. I remember once, around 10 years of age, I got my dad to buy me a happy meal AND a fillet o fish. I nearly vomited trying to finish that.

Today, food means something different. It's no longer about having supper with my Dad. Food has labels now. Good, bad, wrong time, too much, too little. The only time I really feel like I'm having supper with my Dad, is when someone surprises me. Maybe cook me a little something. Buy me some dark chocolate.

I don't know, are these the things that people think about when it's many years after they were collywoddled by their parents, and their parents are no longer like that?

I haven't had somebody do those things for me, or given me any such surprises for some time. Typically, it's me cooking for people, and on some occasions it gives me great happiness to see someone really enjoy it. But only some people can feel what I wish to communicate to them when I cook. It's not something verbal, or easily expressed. Maybe I am trying to make them feel like how my Dad made me feel on those supper treats. Special. And similarly, most people don't realize it's special, just like I didn't, until years later when these things become out of vogue.

I once told someone that the few things that truly express human emotion in a rather raw and plain fashion are: Food, music, the human voice, and touch. Just my opinion.

Why do I bother telling people these things anyway? Perhaps it's because I see some truths more acutely than others who are basking in these things. If I weren't deficient in some of these things, I wouldn't understand their necessity. I see people around me who've missed some of these things for a large part of their lives, and they haven't much of it left to live.

Yeah perhaps I ramble too much. But I've got so much to say, so many angles to cover. And I'm not even trying to sound sophisticated. It's just a huge dose of self-awareness, and "eavesdropping" if you may, on the tiny flickers of emotions that people betray on a daily basis. Your parents and siblings are a good place to start, then perhaps you close friends, and your not so close friends.

If I didn't say all that I like to say, would you even imagine what is on my mind? Could you even imagine why I am feeling the way I feel? I think people are taking too little time to understand why people around them think or feel in certain ways. Including me. I would love to listen to what you really think, pick your brain and search your heart. It is a scary experience to let someone really know how you feel and more importantly, why.

But sometimes it's worth it. To think more, to talk more. To feel deeply and understand. People, things, and activities won't always be there. They'd turn into memories, like news-worthy events of the past. A flurry of hoo-ha and then shelved for years.

-PotAtObOy: I don't think I'm ready...I'm not ready for anyone who isn't ready to take me for who I am, who I was, and who I will be...It's not easy for her-

I haven't hit the road for over 2 months. My bike had been collecting dust. Today, I just forced myself to get out of my room, in spite of that half recovered hamstring tear, and put in some quadwork and cycle down to the sea. Just a short sprint effort, 54 minutes long. I can't say how much I miss cycling. No matter how long I have stopped cycling, the feeling of spinning those cranks and flying down the road with that hum in the frame, that sensation is something special. Out of the three disciplines, the one that really gets me psyched is cycling.

It has been a foregone conclusion since the time I said that I would play for NTU Ultimate for IVP: I cannot physically do the Aviva Half Ironman 2010. I also cannot express the disappointment of missing that either. Of course that disappointment is very much softened by the wonderful friends and team I've met...as I said to someone not too long ago, this is the first time I've ever felt passion for a team. It's different from feeling a duty and pride in serving a team, it is BEING the team, being an important part of that chain from first training to that final score during the big day.

I've been forced to admit that triathlon had done me more physical good that Frisbee has. Two consecutive hamstring tears, and losing more and more weight. With triathlon, the core work was ever present in all three disciplines, and the need to lift weights was ever apparent. Not so with ultimate frisbee. I just want to play, I can't be bothered to become stronger physically in order to support my performance. Triathlon simply does not even allow for that mentality.

So I'm oscillating between two loves...but being on my bike today showed me I simply cannot put triathlon down. As one woman said: "It's like a drug...Ironman's the drug". I'm not an Ironman. But the mental toughness and discipline that came with training for 2 half ironmans, is not something I can ever put aside without becoming dysfunctional again. However brief, that shining moment of really feeling alive doing all three sports, that is something I cannot put aside, not even for ultimate frisbee.

Ultimate, being the ultimate sport it is, is also another enigmatic sport. It truly is an ultimate sport, for people with a whole different mind. It moulds and shapes you according to how you choose to play, to think, to feel. It's such an emotive sport. Every day you play, every time you think about it, a barrage of emotion comes along with it, and the pace of change of that emotional trend is breakneck.

One day you can have a really good day, another day you have a horrible one. Then as grow in the sport, you realize more and more how you and the sport interact. The sport is one being in itself, and you, with all your mental and physical characteristics is another. Once you understand that being deficient in certain aspects of gameplay, is not a reflection of your character, ability, but rather the way you and the game interact, is when you start managing your progress.

I've been through that rollercoaster, tossed and turned upside down, and I settled for supporting a team I had pride in supporting, but no joy in playing for. I didn't know one basic truth about both triathlon and ultimate: Your feelings as a person, dominate your performance.

-PotAtObOy: I can smell the winds of change again, something great is in the making...-

A brief update on my physical condition. I had another slight tear exactly same spot on the right hamstring will running at top speed to try and stop Zach from scoring during ultimate on thursday. I think I should know better than to run at top speed. Right now that simply is not an option, since the first time I had a minor tear about 3 weeks plus ago. Muscle tears are not to be taken lightly, since they need quite some rehab to get well apparently. And I haven't been hitting the gym like I used to, sometimes Ulty makes you kinda slacken off strengthening, triathlon definitely doesn't, you're always so aware of the need to strengthen when you're pounding away mile after mile on training.

But I'm fine, after 2 days of severe sianness, some good food and company with, of all people, my mom, I'm much more optimistic again.

Hall 12 has a darn good desert shop. That's a yummy delicious apple pie for merely 1.60, an apple pie like that at some patissierre or bistro would cost a bomb, perhaps 6 bucks. And chinese auntie who brings it in seems to have an affinity with me, she likes my taste. Or perhaps, the uni students are just not that keen on having desert in school canteen.


My mom's steamed fish with mushrooms and chicken. There are some things I will NEVER do as well as my mom. Ok, fair enough I don't steam fish in hall. I don't even deal with whole fish. Although honestly, I can finish a whole fish.


We paid a visit to boon tat street, and I had a haircut at this uncle's shop. His cantonese is excellent. While I can catch only 60% of it, I definitely cannot reproduce even 10% confidently. His "shop" (basically a chair near a drain, red cloth and all the barber's tools, has been at that street for over 30 years, except that he moved out of the shophouses the government renovated. Rent used to be in the hundreds at most, but after they took over, obviously they've added one more digit, if not two. Just in case you're wondering, that's my mom. She's quite eye protection conscious, a habit I myself picked up.





From Boon Tat street, you can walk to Amoy street, and see all these nice shophouses with really old furniture inside. Some of these clan houses have architecture similar to what you see in The Little Nyonya. While I've never been a student of art, nor am I given to walking around and looking at stuff, going around with my Mom surprisingly is a totally different experience. Not only did she not complain about walking (first of all she walks more than the average university student every single day), she kind of acted like a tour guide. Of course her knowledge was limited, but heck, it was much more than my peanuts, or perhaps mustard grain's worth. Anyhow, it was really interesting to see all that old stuff. It wasn't learning, it was just sightseeing in a whole new viewpoint. Bring your mom there, you'd get what I mean. Assuming she's chinese.


Here's a picture of my mom pretending to be fascinated by the flower at the banana tree. She's not really fascinated, since we have about 5 banana trees at home. She was just noting that these type of banana flowers don't bear fruit. If it surprises you, i know that too. Big fat flowers produce big fat bananas. What you saw there was miniature. A real good banana bearing tree would have a huge banana flower the size of my canon printer at hall plus a lil bit more and be so heavy that you'd have to tie the tree to something to keep it upright.

We ended the day walking down to Club Street and Telok Ayer, and then finally maxwell food centre.

Mental note no. 1: I SHALL visit Club street and Telok Ayer street, SO MUCH YUMMY quaint food places there!!!
Mental note no. 2: I SHALL return to maxwell food centre and eat the fish noodles there. NO. 1. ABSOLUTELY. Ginger soup feels like some godly herbal broth that gives you longevity. And as usual, my mom recommended it. SHE ORDERED A SECOND BOWL WHEN I POACHED HER FOOD. That's how good it is. Normally, she'd just chuck the "outside" food aside when she merely nibbled halfway through and declared it unfit for consumption many times over. So if a particular outside food dish is finished AND REORDERED by her, it's gotta be on makansutra and the Singapore Food Guide.

-PotAtObOy: I am putting some brakes on, and looking wider...-

So, the new school term has started and it's already the third week. I've got 19 AUs worth of classes, that means about 19 hours of class, of which I don't attend most of the lectures, so in the end I only have about 14 hours of class a week.

But the reading is mad. I spend about 45 minutes printing stuff every week!!! I just sit in my lil room and the printer goes on and on killing many trees... And I have one module that I think might just kill me. Some web based information system thingy. I've got to learn HTML, javascript and more. But judging from how I learnt stuff while at work at SAP, I think I would be able to pick it up as long as I put in the time...sigh...

One module even has in the first lecture this phrase: "How do you study for xxxxx? Spend at least 9 hours doing your readings each week." 9 hours of reading. My butt would be intimately associated with my chair if I spent 9 hours reading about people's behaviour and management styles, every week.

I want my 5.0. So I'd have to do it.

At the same time, I want hall stay. So I gotta play ultimate... But I'm not complaining. I've always said that ultimate and triathlon are both passions I can live with for very long. I also said that they are mutually exclusive. In my present case, not only has ultimate given me the injuries I predicted it can easily give a klutz like me, the critical dates of both sports clash.

Just one day apart, an ultimate frisbee competition, and the biggest triathlon of my year. Already signed up too. Sigh...as soon as the date of the comp is confirmed, I'd have to withdraw...It's one or the other. You can't have both. But I can still do my rides, my swims, and all that endurance sport I love. Just that I can't race...Maybe I'd just bide my time till next february...hmmm...

I like NTU Ulty. It's slowly becoming a pretty pleasant family to be part of. More sincere and open-hearted than my previous team. I guess it's a matter of opinion, perhaps other players would feel otherwise. But I think I might be able to meld in and be of better use than previously...

Some pictures:

Some friends from beach pickups. Saturday pickups at Siloso will be a regular feature for me. That guy with the curly hair picked up ultimate kinda fast within 1 day. From Malaysia too...hope he gets his playtime back home...

Somebody FINALLY got his passport, so we went to Malaysia for dinner. Actually, they went for half a day. I called him, and he said, yo, we're in Malaysia. Come over la. So I went. So much for me being rigid eh? That is a cup of strawberry kiwi puree costing 12 ringgit. That's about 5 bucks SGD. That's also Elena's face. (Insert implied statement and accompanying exclamation)

And that's some of the food. Stingray and belachan fried veges/beans, for merely 31 ringgit. We also had duck, chee cheong fun, wanton mee, oatmeal prawns. Thereafter, Durian and a magnum almond.

Total cost(plus cabfare): 22 SGD.

Click HERE to reattach jaw.

-PotAtObOy: I'm moving on-